Tuesday, July 24, 2007


Coming home to DC

Well, it's been an odd, to say the least, last two weeks. I suppose I'll have more to say about pieces of it as I deconstruct in the next two or so. I wanted to mention that so many friends (bloggers and non), family, coworkers and people from our past have been so truly wonderfully caring and loving and supporting. I'm lucky to have the web of support that I do have. I owe every person an individual thank you and I'm getting there but I did want to blog my thanks...

To some of the core of the Jewbians- who sent, in wonderfully Jewish fashion, a platter to my grandmother's house the day we went to the funeral home and cemetery to deal with the business of funeral arrangements. It arrived just after we did and reminded us to eat. Thank you dear dear friends. It meant a lot to my parents and my grandmother but mostly to N and I. It made us feel cared for by our you, our family of choice.

To the Rabbi who spent an hour the night before the funeral talking to my mom, dad and I about Alex. For not pressing the hardest issues, but for getting us to, and allowing us to, talk about all the wonderful parts of our lives with Alex. For being able to synthesize all the info at the end of the phone call allowing us to feel confident that he'd be able to represent our feelings and thoughts. He never met Alex but he did my brother proud. And, while we're on this subject, thank goodness for religion. It gave me a small sense of knowing "what to do next". Even if that was just sit and think.

To the principal of my school for saying that she and her son were thinking about me. For some reason thinking of her rising 3rd grader made me know that my school community was really looking out for me. For the rest of the teachers who sent cards and emails. For the flowers and the offers of books to donate to the school library. I am lucky to work in a place like this.

To N's bosses who just let her come and take care of me. To the public official who sent condolences when he heard.

To NR who came from Brooklyn. Seeing you was a reminder of home. Thank you for being authentic, loyal and loving.

And N. I can't begin, on something as insignificant as this blog, to express what it means to have had N here with me. My brother's death was something I've dreaded for twenty years. Where would I be? Would I be alone? Would anyone understand? To whom could I turn for support, when I knew my parents would be grieving. My entire community turned out for me but really N, to be loved and cared for by you, has made all the difference. Thank you for wanting to protect me even when you couldn't, for letting me "think to you", for holding me and telling me that my thoughts, feelings and decisions were good and valid. Thanks for going through everything with me, by my side. It kept me whole. It kept me connected.

To mom and dad. For the struggles you've had in the last weeks, months and years. For trying to protect me and loving me no matter what.
Oh, and mom, thanks for showing Allie those Nathan's Famous Pictures here on the blog. It's a comfort to know he saw them and felt connected to me.

My mother, who, as you can imagine is just begining on her own process. She's started her own blog here:


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